I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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