the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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