And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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