Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
