Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
