Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
