Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
