I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
