Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
