Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
