dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
