She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
