this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize