I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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