A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
