grandma shit on top of the toilet
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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