i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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