My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
