You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so let's talk penis.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
