Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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