Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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