I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
