i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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