if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
FUCK WHALES
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