Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize