So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
