he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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