You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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