I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
