Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
