Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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