hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
