i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize