Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
