Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
