I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you bring me the toilet please
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
