just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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