69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
