Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
