she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
