The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
