Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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