why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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