I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize