just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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