Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
