He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
