She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
high people should be assigned attendants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
