Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
