I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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