News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
