Michael Bay diarrhea
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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