things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
