so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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