you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
