Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
