Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ketchup is God's man juice
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
