i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
