just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
