The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Found the puke drawer
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
