Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
