My friends, they love my intelligence
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
