did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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