I skipped work to stalk him.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
