singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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