Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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