The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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