if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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