haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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