I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
