Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
