is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
