Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
