apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
