I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize