i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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