I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
