Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
