ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
