that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
