What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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