Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize