i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
a search helicopter?!
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
