My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
