alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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