Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
