Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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